There's a limit to my love....Relationships: Is all really fair in love and war?!

So it's like 2am and this one topic comes to mind just in time for Monday...the start of the work week. The symbol of fresh beginnings and the chance to try again this week all that you gave up on last week. New beginnings...out with the old and in with the new....brings me straight to my topic. The subject of ex boyfriends, ex spouses, ex lovers, and ex friends have been surfacing a lot lately and the ladies have requested that this topic be addressed....like to hear it?...well here it goes! Clearly people are exes for several reasons, it could be as simple as the relationship grew stale and its inhabitants grew apart or it could be that trust was broken and there was no repairing the damage. Either way, broken relationships are difficult because there are emotions attached; we all have some issues and baggage related to the ex that needs to be released. In order for us to be prepared for when God sends us the person we ARE supposed to be with then we have to do engage in “real talk” and define what it is that was lost, gained, and pushed under the rug throughout our lives. The biggest mistake that people can make in a relationship is to take the baggage with them instead of unpacking the bags from the past and going through all the junk inside. Let’s visit some possible ex categories shall we:

1)     There’s the one that got away: This person could have possibly been the one if only you would have shown some “act right”. They were the Clyde to your Bonnie & you were the Bonnie to their Clyde plus everything in between. Conversations were effortless, fun was built in, and they were your bestie through thick and thin. When you closed your eyes you daydreamed about your wedding day, how fabulous you would look, how many babies would come, you thought about wonderful it would be to see him waiting at the end of the aisle, and you would smile to yourself as you thought of your future with this person. There are times when you think about what went wrong and considered how your actions could have contributed to the demise of the relationship but then you chalk it up as a loss and try to move on. Deep down inside you still got it bad for this particular person and if they came back today, right now, in the middle of the game or your favorite show, you would take them in your arms and the rest would be history.

2)    There’s the one you sent away: This is the person who you really loved and grew close to after letting your guard down in order to start off “fresh”, you gave them a chance and let them into your heart. Everything was good or so you thought, next thing you know they turn out to be someone totally different than they portrayed in the beginning and their TRUE colors start to show. With the emergence of the true colors you become color blind and shell shocked that you have been duped, bamboozled, and hoodwinked. Now it’s too late and you’re in way too deep. Your family and friends have all grown to love this person and you have defended him to those you love, you have worked hard at trying to keep the façade. AND THEN…..one day you wake up….cold water splashes on your face, the alarm clock goes off, the covers get pulled off, and you stub your toe (insert another annoyance that gets your undivided attention here). You realize they aren’t even that “fine”, they don’t do anything to contribute to the relationship, they have no ambition or goals, they can’t hold a simple conversation, and they are a jailbird, a needy nag, or just simply a loser (feel free to choose any combination provided or make your own).

3)     There’s the one that was exposed: This is the person who lied from the beginning and said that it was everything that it wasn’t. Are you married?...NO. Do you have any children?...NO. Do you have a job…YES. Did you sleep with her...NO. Are you on the DL?...Heck No (which will be the answer). ….Are you single and ready to mingle….But of course! After a few weeks, months, years, or decades you find out that this person has a whole family tucked away in another city, town, borough, state or country. You ask the obvious questions and get answers that pretty much lead to “I wanted to eat my cake along with the icing, the appetizer and buffet, all with the bonus of indulging at the open bar”. The trust is broken, they are branded a liar, you are angry enough to slap faces to the ground and the truth has finally come to the light. You’re devastated because you loved this person and you ponder all of the valid moments in the relationship and wonder if it was all a lie, a fabrication, another chapter in this made up story. Your even madder because you were not given the choice of whether or not proceed after knowing all of the facts but instead you were tricked into cheating and used as a pawn. No options were given and you were cheated out of the decision making process which could have saved you a whole lot of trouble and heartache.

4)      There’s the ex-friend that was set outside of the circle of trust: This person was your best bud, you two did everything together, talked about everything, and helped each other through good and bad times. You’re the type that doesn’t even entertain a lot of “female friends” and would rather not in order to alleviate any issues. In this case you let your guard down because the beginning stages of trust were built and the friend had shown loyalty and proven that they deserve to be in the circle of trust. Next thing you know the two of you agree to disagree and all of these pent up feelings and hostility spews out, thus creating a wound that cannot simply be covered with a band aid. OR you find out that she talking about you behind you back and discussing the details of private conversations amongst her other friends….and she had the nerve to be taking a public poll about how “they felt’ about the situation. OR you find out that the entire time that you were telling her you man problems she was using that as insight into how she would then get with your man behind your back. OR you simply wake up and realize that she wouldn’t, doesn’t, and won’t go to the same extremes that you go to for her and the relationship is" take" instead of give and take.

Whats' Next: Okay, so now that we have discussed some possible scenarios pertaining to broken relationships now we can move on to the chapter on forgiveness, healing, and moving on. In the meantime, you can begin to process some of these scenarios and identify the one that’s pertaining to you. Keep in mind that there are soooooo many different categories that I couldn't possibly cover them all today BUT if you want to add one to this list and help someone else grow from what you have learned feel free to comment. Take this opportunity to list the issues that are attached to your old relationships and define what you need to do differently the next time. After all, before you can truly forgive you need to clearly outline who you need to forgive and what they have done to you that needs to be released, this needs to be done before forgiveness will be “official”. See the next blog posting for further insight into this topic-Part II resumes tomorrow. Same time and same place tomorrow peeps! Love ya & Smooches xoxo.